Dear Abby: My cheating ex showed up at a family wedding uninvited

Dear ABBY: After 28 years, I found out that my husband, “Jerry” was having an affair. While we were in the middle of the divorce, my nephew was getting married and I told Jerry that, given the circumstances, it wasn’t appropriate for him to go. I also told him that although he denied everything and told our daughters that he had done nothing, my family knew everything.

Jerry insisted on going, but I told him he would note to be in the family photos and was not invited to the reception. Abby, he insisted on sitting on the bench with me and our daughters, he even tried to push my mother in. Was what she did in bad taste and improper rules? It felt like another slap in the face to me. – DIVORCE BUT NOT DONE

DEAR DIVORCE: The fact that your ex-husband would force his way into the wedding and sit with you and your daughters was bad behavior. Was he invited by your nephew’s family? If he wasn’t, I hope he didn’t show up uninvited at the reception, which could have caused a major rift. I think you will get rid of this man well.

Dear ABBY: My sister-in-law “Bethany” has been diagnosed with PTSD from her military service. For the past 15 years, Bethany has been fighting with my wife, her sister, about anything and everything. She feels that my wife “changed” after marrying me.

Bethany didn’t like the way we treated their father after we moved in four years ago to take care of him. (It has been recently.) She doesn’t like that we live in the house that was her childhood home. She starts fights that escalate into screaming matches while making herself the victim. She constantly reminds us that she has PTSD. My wife screams and cries and cries during these conversations.

My wife won’t cut Bethany off because they are siblings, but I am sick and tired of seeing her in tears trying to figure out what she did wrong. Whenever Bethany comes to visit, she ends up staying at our house. The fights are unbearable. I have begged and pleaded with my wife to stop it. It’s affecting me now. Any advice would be appreciated. – DISABLED IN MICHIGAN

DEAR WEAK: Please share this with your wife. It didn’t occur to him that he did nothing wrong, and that Bethany’s tantrums might have less to do with PTSD than plain old jealousy? By now, you both must have realized that the price of a relationship with her sister is very high. The fact that your wife would allow herself to be abused in this way over and over again mystifies me.

When Bethany starts again, your wife should hang up. If Bethany shows up and can’t control herself, she shouldn’t be allowed. If she is already inside, she should be told to leave immediately. Until you both draw a firm line, nothing will change and it could very well destroy your marriage.

Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.