Dear ABBY: When I came out of my introverted shell, I started trying to find a relationship. I went on a few dating websites and met some great guys and some not so good guys.
One of the latter was giving me red flags from our first meeting. We clicked at first and shared many of the same interests and hobbies, but he wanted to move on very quickly.
While our meetings had always been in public places, he always wanted to take me alone, either at my house or his. He seemed put off when I asked if another friend could come.
Then came a time when my health was failing and our rare meetings became less important to me.
I told him that I had health problems, but the next day he invited me for another meeting as I had not told him on my own.
He either started ignoring what I was saying, or I was noticing more often. Because of this and other things, I no longer answer. This has now gotten out of hand.
He has contacted me on every social media app, on my phone and by email. I’m upset for a number of reasons, but I feel guilty for ignoring it.
My family and friends say I’m doing the right thing – that responding to his every communication will give him the idea that I’m open to communicating again.
I don’t want to start talking to him again, but I still feel terrible ignoring him completely. What should I do? – Surprised wall flower
DEAR QUESTION: You may feel guilty because you are creating that ghost, which I believe is bad form.
Send him a text or an email saying that you have not responded to his attempts to communicate because you are not interested in a relationship and he should stop trying to contact you. Period.
If he continues after that, you may have picked up a stalker and should file a police report.
Dear ABBY: Our son is engaged to a young girl that our family cannot stand.
No matter what we’re discussing, she turns the conversation into long, boring stories about her friend, aunt, cousin, etc. No one cares about these stories and they are ongoing.
Our two daughters and their husbands roll their eyes and limit their time with him. My husband leaves the room. Not even my 95-year-old partially deaf mother can be in her company.
Our daughters think we should tell our son not to marry her as it is destroying our close family.
He doesn’t seem to notice, he seems to love her and he’s going to get hurt. Do you have any suggestions? — MOTHER CUMBLE IN BIRTH
Dear Bewildered Mother: If you do what your daughters suggest, your son is almost guaranteed to be offended and defensive. It could very likely drive him and his fiancee away.
An alternative might be for you to talk to your son privately and point out that his fiancee needs to tone down her speeches because, in case he hasn’t noticed, they are so loud. so long that she has literally lost her audience.
Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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